The Goonhammer

I’ve just logged in from the marathon entosis operation last night, and checking DOTLAN I see that Deklein is in flames. I am particularly delighted to see that the RFY-Q8 constellation (the Testagram) is under Darkness. control, which was Horde’s primary mission. Our boys done well. It will be a night to remember. Also, as I logged in I see a large amount of red in O1Y as per usual. I haven’t yet taken time to decide what I will do in game this afternoon or what exactly is going on in our space, but just seeing all the red has brought me to where I’d like to comment on the Goons’ campaign against Horde.

First, to all the Goons out there, I just wanted to let you know that this campaign is yet another bad idea from your inept Space Hitler. Let’s take a look at this from a couple of angles. First, it’s a part of your alliance’s plan to deny fun to your enemies. However, it’s not fun for you either. Second, let’s look at the psychological impact. A long time ago a Bombers Bar FC made a comment to me about that group’s constant forays into Provibloc. He said, “it’s like kicking babies in the teeth – when you win, you don’t feel like you accomplished anything worthwhile, and on the rare occasion when you lose, it just makes you feel pathetic.” All this campaign is doing is showing you that your alliance can beat Horde. And when you don’t beat Horde, it shows how pathetic you are. Third, let’s look at op success and failure. Let’s say it works and Horde drops from being a 7,000 pilot alliance to a 5,000 pilot alliance. What exactly have you won? You still have a huge alliance that isn’t really central to MBC operations beyond being a gaggle of noobs hanging out as a buffer and providing swarms of entosis Slashers when needed. Let’s say though that it doesn’t work, and our numbers don’t decrease. You are wasting time fighting Horde while TEST and NC. and PL and Darkness. etc. ruin you.

Don’t believe the hype, Goonswarm. You’ve been taught that harvesting tears is the zenith of the game. You’ll get shown streams of this or that noob quitting Eve and getting frustrated, but you won’t be shown the thousands more who you are egging on to be your next generation of enemies. You’d best be served by fighting those who always have and always will hate you rather than make enemies out of the majority of new players joining the game who are fighting against you out of a sportsman’s competition rather than the seething hatred that you have earned for yourself from the likes of TEST and others.

Don’t look at a video of one noob crying and giggle to yourself that you are winning. You are wasting your time and effort pursuing a goal that will not accomplish anything for you strategically. Horde will remain. Horde will be large. 5,000, 7,000, or 10,000 doesn’t really matter. Horde is doing its job planting itself in Fade and will continue to do so, no matter if we shrink a bit, stay the same size, or grow. Mittens talks about how new players don’t understand hell war, but I will have you know that new players are going to be more willing to find out what it’s like than older players looking for the most efficient way to make ISK AFK. When you look at what you are doing, look at real numbers.

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So how’s camping O1Y working out for you? You’ve long loved Mittens because he is such a scoundrel and conman. Only now, you are his mark. You are the ones being conned, spending your days in O1Y while your space is taken away. I will end this paragraph with the same sentence I started the previous one with. Don’t believe the hype, Goonswarm.

I’ll end this post with some notes to my fellow hordelings. Mittens is trying to hang on as long as he can by trumping up rhetoric concerning a successful campaign against an Eve newbie group. The community’s reaction has been to comment that Goons are trying to prove they can beat Horde, which is nothing impressive. The Goons are also trying to preach to Horde that we are being abused by our seniors and being used as meat shields. Well, there is no abuse about it. We are the meat shields. That is our baseline mission. It is a mission to be proud of.

When I was in the Army, the most glorified image to be found was not the highly trained special ops soldier or the super genius intelligence collector, but the infantryman of the line. We all knew that the territory is just not under control unless there are boots on the ground, and that the infantryman was the back that bears the load. That’s what you are. In addition to being the buffer, to being the distraction, we do get a great number of opportunities to accomplish a lot more than anyone ever expected we would. There is no shame in being the rock bottom in the war machine, but rather it is the position of greatest honor. Take comfort in that.

After saying that, though, I do realize that Eve is a game of great proportions. There is a learning curve, real consequential loss, and there are ruthless enemies. Some of you may have come into Horde without clear expectations and are finding that the gameplay is not what you’d like. Now I think most of you are actually impressed with the scope of this game and this war and are excited to pay the price of victory. But for those who aren’t, don’t quit Eve. There are other places to go and things to do.

However, if you do go somewhere else, I encourage you not to run to highsec and get involved with any random corp that you run across. Some are good, but most are bad. I also encourage you not to take shelter in just any given alliance out there. Frustrations will grow high. Despite being told by all these guys that you don’t need skill points, you will be surrounded by people who have them, and you’ll constantly be tempted to do things the same way they do. You won’t be able to. It will be discouraging.

Frankly, the best place for a newbie in Eve is in a newbie group. I’d recommend the Brave Collective as an option. I think I can say this without irking Horde leadership because from what I have seen, the overwhelming majority of our players are excited by the challenges we are facing. But for that rare person who is thinking of quitting Eve or joining a veteran alliance, Brave is a better option. Horde has inherited the lighter side of our personality from them. We’ve taken Brave memes like “stay classy” and “fun per hour” and condensed them into “don’t be a dick.” They don’t exactly have the strong meritocracy and content creator leader idea that we’ve inherited from our PL buddies, and they aren’t generally as well run as we are, being more bureaucratic. However, when it comes to training noobs they have it pretty well down pat, and they do go out and have a lot of fun. A lot of our leaders and members started out in Brave, and while I think we’d all say that we have put together the best newbie group in the game, Brave is a good option for those who can’t figure out how to make it work in Horde.

Obviously, DON’T join KarmaFleet. We just took over their main staging. They are in retreat with the rest of the Imperium and are lead by the same ridiculous leadership that took the bait and are punching at Horde while their empire crumbles. They are basically a lowsec corp at this point. Great things are not in their future.

But anyway, I think I’ve spent a lot of time on those to those who don’t have the stomach for life in Horde, when such types are exceedingly rare. I’d meant for this post to be a message to Goons and to the average Horde member who is pumped up to fight but may be confused by propaganda about our friends and leaders abusing us and all. Nothing could be further from the truth. We are the bait and the buffer, a very important role that everyone respects, and quite obviously we’ve done A LOT more than just being the bait and buffer. So I’ll just end with one more sentence, again to the Goons. Grow up and get a war plan that works, such as getting new leadership.

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